Useless Characters
by pillows-and-bees-03
Summary: In which Charles is an RPG game nerd and Erik reads the walkthrough, and they both wonder why the Liberation Army needed a dancer and a seemingly overdressed yet useless girl to join their cause to defeat the oppressive Emperor. XMFC AU.


**Useless Characters  
><strong>In which Charles is an RPG game nerd and Erik reads the walkthrough, and they both wonder why the Liberation Army needed a dancer and a seemingly overdressed yet useless girl to join their cause to defeat the oppressive Emperor.

**A/N: **I fucking _love _Suikoden 1. Mild spoilers for said game in here. :D

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><p>"It says here, just talk to everyone along the way, but don't talk to Mathiu."<p>

Charles let out a noise between a hum and a chuckle. This was not his first time replaying Suikoden 1, so he knew how annoying it could be when you accidentally moved into the Strategy Room and talk to Mathiu the Strategist when you had other plans for the game (say, recruiting some Stars of Destiny, or levelling up your character so that you could defeat an enemy that demanded your character to be at least at level 35 and above). Talking to Mathiu would only move the plot of the game, and sometimes, that could be a bad thing.

"Freeze up the plot, I suppose," Charles mumbled as he expertly manoeuvred Tir McDohl around the Liberation Army HQ to the second floor of the castle. "So what should I do next?"

Erik took a while before he moved his eyes away from the TV screen to read the walkthrough on his iPad. "We're going to recruit one more person before the major battle...blah blah blah...make sure you have the opal with you. Do you have the opal on Tir?"

Charles frowned, and opened up the little menu window. Under _items, _was this list:

_Toe shoes  
>Magic robe<br>Feather  
>Mega Medicine 3<br>Medicine 6  
>Blinking Mirror<br>Head gear  
>Medicine 6<em>

But no opals.

"Shit," said Charles, straightening up a little, causing Erik's head to bump against his elbow.

"Ow, watch it, Charles."

"Not my fault you insist on using my lap as a pillow," said Charles, but he apologised anyway. Erik had come home tired from work, and upon finding Charles totally at ease in front of the television playing Suikoden 1, had immediately joined him. Erik wasn't the type who liked to rant about what happened at work (that was Charles – he'd bitch about almost everything that had happened at work if he was in a bad mood), so instead, Erik had opted to read the walkthrough of the game for Charles to pass the time before they went to bed. "Do you remember who I put the opal with? Oh shit, was it Gremio?"

After a quick check, it turned out that Charles had stored the opal on Flik, so after retrieving it from the devastatingly handsome game character ("His eyes are like yours," Erik once said, "but yours are prettier."), Erik informed Charles that he had to take Tir to Antei to recruit a girl.

"An Esmeralda," said Erik, frowning a little at his iPad.

"Oh god, the useless girl," Charles said, making his way towards the basement of the HQ and then into the dungeon/teleportation centre/laboratories/where creepy Krin hung out (no seriously, why was the thief _there, _anyway? Couldn't he hang out somewhere less creepy?). "She does absolutely nothing and yet she demands for this fucking opal..."

"Well, the opal's free, right?" Erik mumbled.

"Yes, but it's the attitude that counts," said Charles as Viki teleported his character to Antei with a delightful, _'ptchiu!'_ sound. "I mean, you'd hate it if I demand for an expensive breakfast before agreeing to give you a massage, wouldn't you?"

Erik made a low non-committal sound, but Charles knew that his point was made. He leaned down to plant a kiss on Erik's nose.

"Ah, here we are," Charles said brightly as the theme song of Antei began to fill the living room.

"She's in a room at the top floor of the inn – wait, wait, the _fuck_ is that?"

"Hmm? What?"

Erik lifted his head up a bit to stare at the TV. "Are those a bunch of old geezers cheering for a stripper? Isn't this a kid's video game?"

Charles threw back his head and laughed. "Oh, Erik," he said, running one hand lovingly through his boyfriend's hair, "that's not a stripper, idiot, it's just a dancer! Get your mind out of the gutter – I've recruited the previous dancer, Mina, so now they have a new girl to replace her. Look—"

Charles manoeuvred Tir towards the stage at the inn to talk to the 'old geezers' there.

"This girl isn't bad, but Mina's the best," said one of them.

Erik scoffed at the ridiculousness of this before saying, "Why the hell would you need a dancer for your Liberation Army, anyway?"

"Hush, my love, we're uniting against the Imperial Army and putting a stop to injustice," said Charles. "Everyone can contribute. At least Mina could dance. I swear to god, all Esmeralda does is sit around on the gardens on the roof and bitch about how unstylish my castle is."

"That's because it was a dragon's lair before, right?" Erik mumbled as he watched Tir hand over the opal to Esmeralda. A second later, she agreed to join the army.

"Okay, what next?" Charles asked, satisfied that he was one step closer to recruiting all 108 Stars of Destiny. Erik sighed before peering at his iPad once more.

"It says here your Pahn should have the best equipments and should have his weapon upgraded to level twelve," said Erik. "His 'moment to shine' is just up ahead. Fascinating."

"He's going to fight Tir's father," said Charles dismissively. "So I shouldn't go into the Strategy Room?"

"Definitely not," Erik confirmed. "So, what, you're going to have to train him?"

"And run around the world map looking for enemies to kill, yes."

"Hmm." Erik stared blankly at the TV for a while before dropping the iPad onto his stomach. He reached out a hand to caress Charles' jaw line. "Can't this wait till tomorrow? 'M tired. It could take forever for that Pahn guy to get strong enough to defeat your father."

"Is there anything else on the walkthrough?" Charles asked, his eyes still fixed on the screen as Erik's fingers ran down his neck to caress his collarbone. "Any other minor recruiting missions or—"

The controller that was in Charles' hands was dropped to the floor as Erik suddenly sat up and gathered Charles into his arms. Charles found himself being thoroughly kissed by a very tired and a very impatient Erik, so he gave up trying to wiggle away and simply gave in.

"Here's a mission for you," Erik said, his voice low, looking at Charles with heavily-lidded eyes. "How about you turn off the goddamn game and get into bed with me?"

"Well, I—ah, _the fuck, Erik!_"

Apparently Erik wasn't _that _tired after all – in one swift motion, he'd swept Charles into his arms and a second later, all Charles could register was the fact that he was being carried away, bridal-style, towards the stairs. Erik began to nuzzle at Charles' neck and it tickled, but he managed to put his hands on either side of Erik's face and pull away.

"The television, Erik, switch it off or the bill's going to be ugly for this month," said Charles. Groaning, Erik doubled back towards the living room, Charles still in tow, and simply yanked the power plug using his foot. The television went blank and the lights on the PlayStation died out. "You know what," said Charles, "I haven't actually saved the game."

"And you know what? You're heavy as fuck."

Charles punched Erik's shoulder hard enough for it to hurt, but Erik merely chuckled – a low, rumbling noise that made Charles tingle all over.

"Don't worry," said Erik as he made his way upstairs, "you can recruit Esmeralda again tomorrow. And I'll read the fucking walkthrough for you if you promise to make us some breakfast first thing in the morning."

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><p><strong>AN: **I'm still stuck at trying to level up Pahn. Dammit. =.=


End file.
